ON THE ROAD WITH THE SUPERSUCKERS February 23rd to March 15th 2007 by mark von sound DAY ONE ... I DID BLOW AWAY THE KNEECAPS AND FACES So here we go again ... just a couple of weeks off since the last adventure ... day one is for the reformation of the English quota of the crew ... first Dale rolls into my town on the train ... then Kev rolls in with the bus ... good to be reunited with chums again ... so back to the same familiar bunk ... well same everything really ... except the bus doesn't now say in huge letters down the side ... The Rock Bus ... thank god ... which just asks for trouble from foreign Police ... We are immediately back in the touring groove as if the time at home never happened ... we travel down to London to pick up a few drum bits before heading onto Dover to get the ferry to Calais in France ... on the ferry ... Dale aka Bryan Ferry and I set ourselves just two tasks ... first ... cup of tea ... well we are English gentlemen after all ... and the second ... to hit the arcade to spend a small fortune on the shooting games ... the best being one which you must kill zombies with a pump action shot gun ... this is the greatest game ever ... unfortunately only one gun worked so our double team attack on the zombies could not be achieved ... but on my own I DID BLOW AWAY THE KNEECAPS AND FACES of many members of the world of the undead ... but we spent a small forune on all the other shooting games ... infact we had to kick off some kids ... little bastards ... Before leaving the UK Kev purchased a newspaper ... Dale who is an amateur astrologer flicked through to stop at the stars page written by a man called Jonathan Cainer ... it is without doubt the most confusing load of bollocks ever written ... check it out ... Star-sign Cancer ... You know what you know. As for what you don't know you don't know, well, you don't know it, do you? So far so simple. The trouble is sometimes, we think we know what we don't really know at all. Sometimes, too, we know something, yet for some strange reason, we don't really know that we know it. Only when our knowledge is put to the test do we discover how far it extends. You would now like to know a lot more than you currently know. Begin by asking yourself whether, inwardly, you do know it already ... what the f*ck is this guy on? ... I wonder if in his cup of tea by accident popped in a couple of ecstasy pills instead of his Sweetex sugar substitute !! ... We end the day in the not very exciting place of a truckstop not far from Charles De Gaulle Airport next to Paris ready to pick the band up early the next morning ... that was my day February 23rd 2007 DAY TWO ... A CHOIR OF SNORING BLOKES ON MY BUS I woke up 6:58am with it still dark at the truck stop ... not long after we fired up the bus to go get the band from their transatlantic flights ... an easy task you may think? ... but things are not so straight forward ... first up terminal 1 to pick up Dan, Eddie, Ron and new crew member Andrew aka Amber ... Eddie and Ron had trouble with their connecting flight so had to get a later one ... we got Dan OK but Amber was no where to be seen ... we waited and waited ... then he appeared without luggage ... his worst case scenario had happened to him ... he had flown from Washington DC to Paris ... but his luggage didn't fancy that journey so it did one eighty degree turn and headed up to Canada ... why? We don't know ... I will keep you informed on the progress of this over the next few days ... so we had two out of six people ... next we drive to terminal 2a to get Scott the drummer and lover of his sacred Cadburys Cream Eggs ... then back on the bus to drive to terminal 2e to pick up Chris ... band manager and merch guy ... then going round in circles back to terminal 1 to collect Eddie and Ron from their Chicago flight ... I now have all six of my Americans on the bus ... and this airport fiasco only took four hours !! ... with a show tonight we have to seriously burn some rubber and eat some miles to get down to Clermont Ferrand south of Paris ... no I'd never heard of the place either ... as soon as the wheels on the bus started moving each person one by one hit their bunks from the fatigue of their flights and Dale because he's soft and weak ... as I type this there is A CHOIR OF SNORING BLOKES ON MY BUS like a bunch bull frogs ... we roll up to the venue ... great shower ... wireless internet ... nice dressing room ... alright food ... boring crowd ... so for us was another night in the office ... venue people were great ... the DJ was hilarious ... he played a selection of classic rock and garage which he scratched like some hip-hop DJ ... he wasn't good at it at all and sounded so bad even Helen Keller could've wiped the floor with him ... tonight I got mistaken for Supersuckers front-man Eddie Spaghetti ... now I don't look anything like him ... I told the guy I wasn't him ... but this is the only chance the human race gets ... next time I will be signing autographs and having my photo taken with fans ... after the show we go on a quest for food ... it's Saturday night ... we are bound to find at least pizza ... we walked for miles and miles but with no joy ... all the take-away food joints in this town shut at 10pm ... it then dawns on me we are not in civilization whatsoever ... disgruntled and beaten we trudge back to the bus ... that was my day February 24th 2007 DAY THREE ... MARCHED OFF THE BUS AT GUN POINT I get awoken at 9:30am at the Swiss border ... this can sometimes be a difficult country to get into ... I got up to be greeted by two border guards on the bus wanting to see all the passports and the faces of the people to go with them ... following this the border guards disappear off to scan them in their special machine in their office ... we think all is good until the guy returns with all the passports demanding to see the representative for the tour which is myself the tour manager ... he informs me that one of the passports has shown traces of the narcotics amphetamine and cocaine ... at this point I didn't know who ... but could see just one passport in his hand which was blue which indicated it was one of the Americans he needed to talk to ... my thoughts right now in a word was ... shit !!!!!!!!!! ... on came the border guards again and went straight to Andrew aka Amber ... the newest and youngest member of the crew at just twenty-one years old protested his innocence but they didn't believe him ... so he was MARCHED OFF THE BUS AT GUN POINT ... whilst outside the bus the border guards pointed their automatic weapons at us and told us if we had anything we must give it to them immediately otherwise the consequences would be much worse if they found anything themselves ... I was informed that as the representative I would also be arrested and face criminal proceedings and several nights in a Swiss police cell ... you can imagine how much this appealed to me ... I knew there was nothing on the bus so carried on denying any knowledge ... they took Amber off into another building ... we were told to stay on the bus with all doors and windows shut so no drugs can be thrown out of the vehicle ... Amber returned telling us how he was taken into a room ... on the table was a box of rubber gloves ... he feared the worst ... he did get strip searched at gun point but no gloved anal inspection happened ... but he did have to spread the cheeks and lift his balls ... welcome to Switzerland Amber ... On returning to the bus I got summoned again outside and told this was my last chance to say if we had anything on the bus to tell him now to avoid things getting worse for us ... he continued to say to fully search a car takes five hours ... for a vehicle our size would take up to twenty hours ... and whatever happens we would probably be denied entry into Switzerland ... which would screw us as we have two shows here ... this was my last chance ... is there or isn't there any drugs? ... I said no ... so to my amazement ... he replied ... OK ... and it was fine to carry on into Switzerland without any problem ... I said thank you very much and we got the f*ck out ... it baffled me to know at one point we faced jail and the bus being taken to pieces then all of a sudden we were fine to go ... so I contemplated the options of why? ... 1 ... He knew I was telling the truth as they are trained to read body language and how peoples eyes behave when they are lying ... 2 ... This is a Sunday today and maybe it was field training to show trainee guards the procedures of this nature ... 3 ... They were gay and wanting a young American man to strip naked for them ... 4 ... The prospect of searching our big bus was just too much effort and they couldn't be bothered ... 5 ... maybe a combination of all four? But hey we got through and we got into Switzerland so all good ... well nearly all good ... poor old Amber ... on his first day he loses his luggage ... then on his second day he gets strip searched at gun point and get accused of using drugs ... I wonder what next will be instore for the unlucky chap ... So after this we needed a dead easy day ... and that's pretty much how it ran ... decent venue and no support band ... and in the dressing a selection of Switzerland's finest cheeses ... now that's what I'm talking about ... and even proper wine glasses for our wine ... how sophisticated ... great crowd which gave the band the lift they needed to forget about the dregs of jet lag ... great show ... so result ... And today we welcomed another new member to the crew for the next week ... a Dutch guy called Paul ... he's here just to help out on stage in order to give him some touring experience ... he is the exact clone of Frodo from The Lord Of The Rings ... he's so tiny he's going to be sleeping in a sock ... After the show we had a free bar ... so a few Jim Beams ... flaming Sambucas and beers went down a treat ... There was no shower at the venue but we did have a day room in a hotel ... myself and Eddie and mister lucky himself Amber jumped in a cab to get there ... the pissing rain made the walk really not an option ... this room was nearly as big as the average microwave oven ... I didn't believe hotel rooms could be this small ... and par for the course there was no hot water either ... on returning the rain still bucketed down so again we got a cab ... back on the bus and about to crash out Amber starts freaking out as he can't find his passport ... we looked everywhere and it was nowhere to be seen ... I lend him my phone to start the procedure of getting a new one ... at least the next day is a day off with us in the capital of Switzerland where there is an American embassy ... he gets off the bus to talk as he didn't want to wake people up ... due to the rain he shelters in a phone box in front of the bus ... which had been previously occupied by various drug users ... leaving crack pipes and foil wraps ... yeah we were in the posh part of town I don't think ... then out of the blue a girl walks up to him to ask him if he'd dropped anything ... and low and behold in her hand was his rain soaked passport which had fallen out of his pocket when exiting from the cab ... I guess this was a stroke of luck at the end of a shit day for him ... completely shattered at 5am I am free to go to sleep ... that was my day February 25th 2007 DAY FOUR ... EYEWATERINGLY CHEESY SOCKS After a much needed sleep I wake early afternoon in the car park near the venue in Switzerland's capitol city Bern ... this was our only real day off on the tour ... so everyone apart from Kev and Dale got hotel rooms to try and make full use of home comforts before a non-stop seventeen days in a row ... after showers we go for lunch ... as you know Amber has no luggage resulting in him wearing the same EYEWATERINGLY CHEESY SOCKS for four days straight ... next to the hotel there's a clothes shop so he entered to purchase the said new socks ... Scott ... Dale and I wait outside for him ... I look down to see right by the door a huge pile of dog shit ... with a perfect Amber shoe print in the middle ... his brown trail of footsteps disappeared off into the shop ... what else is going to happen to this guy ... he is jinxed ... things are not going well for him ... Following a wonderful pizza I retire to the hotel to do accounts and type this up ... on the TV there is only one channel in English which is CNN with the same news on rotation which is starting to drive me mad ... but my god the shower is amazingly good and so is the underfloor heating ... in the evening we all go for drinks and dinner ... and proceed to check out some dreadful bars but I guess that's normal if you don't know a city well ... but then our luck turned as we found a bar/diner called Cowboys ... oh how very American ... great food ... jugs of beer ... shots of Jagermeister ... and to finish the evening off Dale bought me a double Jack Daniels ... now then ... where I live these things are measured but here I got nearly a pint of the stuff ... best ever ... when the hilarity ended I head back to my lush comfy hotel room to watch a couple of episodes of season three Lost on my laptop then snooze time ... that was my day February 26th 2007 DAY FIVE ... HEAVY METAL KARAOKE Woke up in my lovely big hotel bed on our final day in Switzerland ... I planned hotel breakfast ... shower ... shave ... and a Starbucks on the way back to the bus ... but all I managed was a shave which did include my tongue ... that pint of Jack Daniels had spackered me a bit and I so had to keep things simple ... on my return we hit the road for the relatively short drive to Zurich ... enroute we stop at a truckstop for a few supplies ... half of the building sold sandwiches ... snacks and drinks ... the other was a sex superstore with huge dildos and gimp masks in the window ... I guess the Swiss are pretty openminded about such things ... on arriving in Zurich we drive around for ages avoiding low bridges and trams before finally finding the venue ... the location is breath taking ... as I type this I am sat in the dressing room looking out of a huge window close to a huge lake with the snowcapped Alps disappearing off in the sky ... the time right now is 3:21pm ... between 4pm and 6pm Ambers luggage is supposed to be delivered ... but with that guys luck I'm not going to bank on it ... Whilst walking into the venue merchman Chris aka the Mid Fi Guy accidentally walked straight into large perfectly clear glass door ... he knocked himself out cold ... he came round to conscienceless with a large St Bernard dog licking his face ... Chris couldn't believe his luck because around the dogs neck was a small barrel of brandy ... which he consumed purely for medicinal purposes of course ... Soon after 6pm Amber became a very happy man ... his luggage arrived ... so now is his first chance to change his clothes since leaving America six days ago ... got to say in his favour that he's not stinking as much as he could be ... I nearly didn't recognize him wearing different clothes ... Another show with no support band which just means so much less hassle for us ... which gives me time to leave the venue to get to a close-by Starbucks for my first caramel macchiato of the tour ... then food ... pesto spaghetti ... bellissimo !! The show was all good ... but then things got odd ... after we played the venue had their regular Tuesday night event which is a HEAVY METAL KARAOKE with live band ... people put their name down on a list and each get a turn to sing various rock and metal classics with the resident band ... there were some howlers ... many tunes were destroyed by these drunken Swiss rockers including Billy Idols White Wedding ... Deep Purples Smoke On The Water ... ACDC's Highway To Hell ... Jimi Hendrix's Purple Haze ... Guns n Roses Sweet Child O Mine ... I could go on ... but for every bit of how dreadful they were it was entertaining and it was a good time ... and some of the ladies here are stunning ... which is always better than some stinky hairy arsed rock bear ... we had to drag ourselves away to start the mighty journey half way round the world to get to the next show in Zagreb in Croatia ... and at this point I'm gonna go back and keep Kev the driver company as he battles the twisting turning hair pin bends of Switzerland as we drive through the twelve mile Gothard tunnel towards Italy ... not long before the Italian border I go to my bunk to try and catch up on my sleep ... whilst at the border the guards didn't like the look of our bus ... when they discovered we were a band on the road they started asking about drugs ... I was about to get up when I heard the dreaded sentence ... lets send the dogs on !! ... we had nothing to hide but having drug dogs running around the bus is a bit scary ... I stayed in my bunk ... which is a bottom bunk and I could hear a huge dog sniffing growling and snarling just a couple inches from my head with just a cotton curtain in between me and the beast ... they never found anything and we went on our way ... that was my day February 27th 2007 DAY SIX ... ITS NOT EAST BEING GREEN We drive non-stop through the night and day from Switzerland across the width of Northern Italy into Slovenia and finally to Zagreb in Croatia ... for a while I wasn't sure if we would make it ... it was a hell of a drive ... and crossing some of these borders can be a real lottery ... if the guards don't like the look of you or if they're having a bad day then they has the power to make your life hell ... thankfully they hadn't seemed to have got out of bed the wrong side or rowed with their wives and so all it cost us was three t-shirts at the Italian border ... a cheap price to pay for the open road ... we arrive in Zagreb after the mammoth fifteen hour drive to be greeted with great coffee ... pizzas ... a loading crew ... wireless internet and a day room in a nice hotel ... and to make things even easier for us it's the third show in a row we've had no support band ... easy and smooth that's the way we like it ... however the male toilets ... no seat ... no door ... no toilet paper ... boo to that ... but the female had it all ... and was a pleasure to use ... I'll stop here without going into any unsavoury details ... Tonight was a killer show ... Zagreb people are insane ... they were swinging from the rafters and diving from the balcony ... they were amazing and made bringing our rock show down here so worth while ... the Croatian language is bizarre ... it sounds like are speaking every word backwards ... I love listening to them talk even though I have no idea what they are saying ... right then there is a situation I haven't addressed about Amber ... now things seem to be going right for the guy I can let you into a bit of information about him ... I really don't know but I'm sure he is the son of Frank Oz who does the voices on the Muppet Show ... if you close your eye's when he speaks he sounds just like a cross between Fozzie Bear and Kermit the Frog ... I have to admit I cried with laughter when he sang a perfect rendition of the Kermit classic ... ITS NOT EASY BEING GREEN ... perhaps that's why the Swiss border guys wanted to strip search him was to find out what a Muppet puppet looked like with his costume off ... as I wasn't their I don't know so this will probably always remain a mystery ... and I do now remember when we were in France him freaking out at a caf.. serving frogs legs ... I thought nothing of it at the time but now it all makes sense ... During load out this very drunk Croatian guy insisted on showing me a tattoo on his leg ... I looked and looked at it and couldn't make it out ... after a while he informed me it was Darth Maul from Star Wars ... I just couldn't see it ... to me it looked like someone had squeezed a ketchup bottle over his leg ... it was shit ... I hope he doesn't read this ... I bet he's probably connected with the Croatian mafia and they'll hunt me down ... also in the load out shutting one of the bay doors one of my fingers got dislocated then popped back in the socket ... holy f*cking shit it hurt ... I would say fingers crossed it's not too bad tomorrow but that would obviously hurt !! ... Just before the show tonight I discover that our show the day after tomorrows show in Belgrade has got cancelled ... it was to be in Padova in Italy ... apparently the venue has been closed down by the Police ... not sure why but nothing surprises my about Italian venues ... the fee will be sorted as the cancellation is not down to us and our booking agent is on it with contracts so it looks like we may have a day off in Venice ... are you jealous? But first we'll see what tomorrow has in store when we continue with the next day of our tour and go further East to Belgrade the capitol of Serbia not far from the Rumanian border ... that was my day February 28th 2007 DAY SEVEN ... THE HUGE SCARES OF ARTILLERY BATTLES This morning I was awoken this time by the Serbian border guards wanting us to open up all bus bays to look through all our merch and equipment ... why I don't know but I guess they need to show their superiors that they are doing something even though I know they are wasting their time and mine ... but they made us buy a months road tax which cost £150 ... I didn't need all this as I haven't had more than fives hours sleep in a row for days and days due to all these pissing borders but that's part of the job I'm paid to do ... and again they wanted some of the bands CD's ... I then realised that the band have a song called ... I Want The Drugs ... I just hoped I hadn't given them a CD with that on it ... My dislocated finger ... right hand next to my little finger ... it's sore ... feels like I have electric shocks shooting up my arm when I pick things up ... but hey it's not all bad ... it reminds me I'm alive and I'll give myself slightly lighter loading duties until it improves ... just before we got into Belgrade we pull in at a truck stop ... Dale needed the toilet really bad ... but inside there were no lights ... it was like a ghost town ... he used his Maglite torch to see what he was doing ... whilst using the facilities he was scared half to death by a cock roach the size of a dinner plate in the toilet ... after looking online we identified this as the Giant Serbian Piss Eating Roach ... a very rare and hungry creature ... Dale is still terrified and gets me to now check every toilet before he'll use them ... Belgrade or Beograd as the locals call it is a memorable city in many ways ... as you drive through the city limits there is a huge shanty town with thousands of people living in shacks made from waste wood and metal and cardboard boxes ... we were later told they were Romany gipsys ... I guess Romania is the next country along ... but seeing this kind of poverty is something we are really not used to ... but it really is not long ago in this country's history that a bloody civil war was raging that split the old Yugoslavia up into what it is now ... driving towards the centre of the city you keep passing derelict buildings which still bare THE HUGE SCARES OF ARTILLERY BATTLES ... it's so mad to go down a street full of people and cars with many stores and offices open for business but every couple of blocks another bombed out shell of a building ... you really don't see this very often at all ... but the more you look at this town the more you see a community of people just trying to get on with their lives the best they can ... still standing are some of the most amazing ornate buildings that have been here for hundreds of years which thankfully the tanks and big guns missed ... I guess I this is how I imagine Beirut to be like ... it's so sobering to spend a day here ... Today I saw some of the most beautiful woman I have ever seen walking around the centre of the city ... anyone of hundreds could've been entered into the Miss World competition ... Dale had to have several cold showers ... It's not just in recent times that this country has had a bloody history ... the promoter Alex told me at the end of the second world war when the communists took over ... thirty eight members of his family including his Grandfather was executed for being wealthy ... this didn't fit in the communist way ... everything they owned and worked for was shared out amongst certain top ranking members of the Yugoslavian Communist Party ... which of course instantly made them wealthy ... it's all just ridiculous ... So onto the show ... I thought the amount of potential Miss World's I saw in the daytime would mean the show would contain a bevy of beauties ... but alas they all stayed in to wash their hair on a Thursday night and so was disappointing on this front ... but the crowd were amazing ... they knew all the songs and so drank and danced the night away ... After seeing the bombed out buildings and hearing about the bloodshed and massacres that have gone on in this country it's feels like a real privilege to come here and be part of something that entertains these people and to help take their mind of the shit they have to deal with ... they deserve it ... they have been through so much and it means the world to them that people like us can be bothered to travel down and put a show on for them ... even with the grief from the border crossings I want to come here again ... After we had loaded out we were just about to leave when a taxi chased a mini moto motorbike up the road ... it literally got a couple of inches away ... if he'd even touched the bike the rider who wasn't even wearing a crash helmet would have died for sure ... so we all got in our big blue bus to drive West back through Croatia and Slovenia into Italy ... that was my day March 1st 2007 DAY EIGHT ... VENICE While I slept we drove without incident from Serbia into Croatia but when leaving Croatia to get back into Slovenia things got again shitty ... it was 10:30am when we got to the border ... the border guard wanted to match each persons face to their passport photos ... which is all good and I guess important ... until some other guy there says they are a band ... check them for drugs ... then in their typical disrespectful overly rude manner ... everyone off the bus and stand away from it ... I was fuming ... with the last week we had had enough of all the border bullshit ... so again they drag loads of boxes of merch and equipment from the bus bays and again they steal some t-shirts and CD's ... the drug dog is sent in and of course the drug dog finds nothing ... we are sick of it ... and the annoying thing is we are not even playing a show in Slovenia ... we are just passing through ... one border guard thinks its funny to crack a joke saying ... who sleeps in the front bunks? ... they found marijuana in it ... we knew this wasn't true and just stared at him ... he then said ... ha ha I was only joking ... well I didn't say anything ... but I did think ... why don't you just f*ck off ... so after an hour of this bullshit we carried on with our journey continuing West towards Italy ... Thankfully we fly through the Italian border which only cost us one CD ... I have never been so pleased to be in this country before ... not long before getting to Venice we stop to get some super strong Italian coffee ... as I get off the bus I am greeted by a million geckos and a couple of rats ... Italian wildlife at it's best ! ... We get to Tronchetto coach park next to Venice at 5pm later than we hoped but after the border shenanigans we are stoked to at last get here ... the whole posse apart from Kev gets a private water taxi straight into Venice ... the guy driving it had a huge wart in the middle of his forehead ... at first I thought it was a third eye ... Venice ... what an amazing place ... we arrive at St.Marks Square with it's magnificent clock tower and architecture and a million pigeons ... but an unbelievable place for a day off ... all hungry after thirty minutes of wondering we hit a local restaurant for dinner ... the food was outstanding as was the wine ... following this we split up to continue our adventures ... myself ... Dale and Scott walk further and further into the ancient city through the tiny pedestrian streets ... this place is a maze ... but as it's an Island you can't get lost and go too far ... we thought !! ... we check out a few bars and have a few beers ... at the end of the night we realised it was time to get the water taxi back ... but where was it from where we were? ... who knew? ... not us ... a couple of helpful locals walked us back through the crazy maze-like alley ways and over hundreds of tiny bridges over the infinite canalways ... we eventually got back to St.Marks Square and found where the water taxis departed from ... this time we rode the public water taxi back to Tronchetto ... it was more like a bus service than a boat ... stopping at it's canal bus stops to let people on and off ... it was here we saw the ... real ... VENICE ... I loved to see how there were no roads ... if it doesn't float then it's not transport ... this was my first time here ... if you have never been then you are missing somewhere like nowhere else ... I will be coming back ... I am blown away ... this is a special place ... on tours I rarely get to see more than just a venue ... days off like this emphasize the adventure ... that was my day March 2nd 2007 DAY NINE ... AT THAT SPEED HE WAS GOING HE'D BE DEAD FOR SURE What a great place to be ... Italy with Spring kicking in ... the skies are blue and you can actually feel some heat from the sun ... even if all the locals have still got their big coats on and still think it's Winter ... but when you live in England you appreciate it when the weather makes an effort ... and for me the shorts are on ... Today's show is in a small seaside resort called Pinarella South of Venice close to Rimini right next to the blue waters of the Adriatic Sea ... On arriving we soon discover the venue is shut which is no surprise as they do like their siestas here in Italy ... I've been to this place once before and so know my way around and several of us take the short walk to the huge sandy beach and sea ... yeah my work can be really hard sometimes !! ... on returning I indulged myself in purchasing a cappuccino ice cream ... easily one of the finest frozen dairy based snacks I have ever consumed ... Following this we checked out the go-cart track closeby the venue ... there were ten go-carts and ten of us doing a ten lap race... the drivers were ... Paul from Holland aka Frodo ... Dale aka Bryan Ferry ... Kev the bus driver ... the band Eddie Ron Dan and Scott ... the merch guys Amber and Chris aka the Mid-Fi guy ... and me of course ... these go carts were fast ... like shit off a shovel ... they told us they had Ferrari engines ... some probably did ... but some seemed to have crappy lawn mower engines ... the unfortunate Dale and Amber both got lapped by everyone else and ended up having their own battle of the shittest ... I didn't finish the race as I had a spectacular crash with Mid-Fi Chris ... we both wiped out big time ... my cart flew through the air flipping front to back twice ... I ate shit big time as did Chris ... I landed on my dislocated finger which through shear fluke popped the digit right back in that socket ... so all was good for me ... with the race over for us we headed for the finish line to see how the others would do ... waiting for us was a case of ice cold beer ... we tucked in ... for the whole race Dan Thunder Bolton and Frodo were fighting for the lead ... these guys flew like greased lightning ... but Frodo was just too strong in the end and won by a nose ... those Middle Earth guys are just too good ... so we raised our beers and just said cheers as Ron and Eddie were in a dead heat for third ... then Scott and Kevin followed ... with fifteen minutes later the battle of the shittest brought up the rear ... Dale and Amber ... Amber just pipped Dale to the line ... like giant tortoises running a marathon ... We loaded in ... sound checked then ate tennis racket shaped pasta at a nearby restaurant ... Tonight we witnessed a lunar eclipse ... the planets were aligning ... the world will never be the same again ... a thousand years ago people would be freaking out ... maybe sacrificing their first born or at least some livestock ... good times ... but seriously the ring of white where the moon should be looked fantabulous ... A late one tonight ... stage time was nearly 1am ... but that's normal for here ... the show was typically Italian ... a few genuine fans but the majority were too cool for school ... so just get on stage ... do the job ... then get off the stage ... we didn't hang around too long after the show ... after loading the bus this guy walked passed the bus ... he seemed OK ... then started telling me how he'd just got out of jail in Albania ... he had caught a burglar in his house ... he got his gun ... he shot him in his face ... sometimes you just don't know what to say to some people so I faked a phone call to escape ... thankfully it's not everyday you speak to a violent murderer ... I wake Kev at 3:30am for us to start our eight hundred mile journey over the next two days ... I sit up front for the first stretch ... the road was pretty quiet ... but from out of nowhere a car seems to be coming straight at us for a head on collision ... if there was no central reservation crash barrier I don't think I'd be typing this now ... this car smacked head on into it with a loud crash and smash ... which resulted in an uncontrollable spin ... I guess the driver had fallen asleep ... it was only twenty feet away ... too far to see the drivers face but close enough to see if the airbag did its job ... and I don't believe it did ... I saw no white inflation of the safety device ... so AT THAT SPEED HE WAS GOING HE'D BE DEAD FOR SURE ... that was my day March 3rd 2007 DAY TEN ... ANOTHER CRASH Lazy day today ... I cruise from my bunk mid afternoon after going to bed at 6am ... had a crazy dream ... I was in a large aeroplane with various random people ... strangely we were arguing which DVD to watch ... then all of a sudden the engines cut out ... the plane started to drop and kind of glide clipping the tops of trees ... people were screaming ... it was chaos ... the oxygen masks dropped from the ceiling but we had no time to use them ... we managed to rise over a large copse of trees before coming to a huge field with just one tree in the middle ... we crashed straight into that tree ... the plane stopped dead ... but as it was a dream everyone was fine ... all the passengers exited the plane via a big slide next to the wing ... then odd still everyone collected their luggage and wondered across the field ... my last memory before I woke was pulling my huge bag on wheels through a never ending ploughed field ... I didn't know where I was heading then my eyes opened ... I hope this dream continues ... I want to know what happens ... I'm sure it means something profound but I haven't got a clue what ... I guess the engines stopping on the plane may have tied in with the bus engine stopping when we parked ... So the journey from the last show takes us from Pinarella on the Adriatic coast across Italy ... passing Bologna where Spahetti Bolognese is from and Parma where the ham is from ... then out of Italy and along the French Riviera South coastal road ... passing Nice ... Cannes ... Marseille and Montpelier ... along here we got over taken by a Police Lamborghini flashing passed us at break neck speed ... must have been going a hundred and fifty miles per hour ... that guy must love his job and must be hated with jealousy by all the other traffic cops ... a couple of hours later we stop for dinner at a French truck stop diner ... it cost a fortune and it tasted like shit ... nice one France !! Back on road and heading West I witness ANOTHER CRASH on the other side of the road ... well I didn't see it happen but it really must've been just a minute or so before we drove passed ... there were maybe half a dozen cars in various states of crumple ... it thankfully didn't look fatal though ... people really do drive like maniacs in Southern Europe ... I constantly notice people are tailgating each other at ridiculous speeds ... they only have themselves to blame for the accidents ... Today Dale was quizzing young Frodo about what he thought about the accents of the English and the Americans on this tour ... he said the English sounded rich and the Americans sound like farmers ... such wisdom from someone so young ... sixteen years old from Holland ... his dad is a good friend of the band so let him come on the tour as part of his college course ... can you believe you can study rock music in Holland !?! ... they really do see life from a different point of view in that country ... Not long after it got dark we entered Spain with no border problems ... makes a nice change ... and here I am in a cheap motel about a couple of hours North of Barcelona ... and now I sleep again ... that was my day March 4th 2007 DAY ELEVEN ... THE FIVE EVIL WITCHES After just a few hours sleep I woke in my motel room ... in the bathroom I couldn't find the flush for the toilet ... I looked everywhere for it ... it wasn't there ... I like things to be easy but when in foreign things are not always what they seem ... Back to the bus ... we hit the road ... off in the distance are the Pyrenees Mountains ... even though it was hot and sunny where were these were all snow capped and looked ace ... I then retire to my bunk for a nap ... then the crazy dreams start again ... unfortunately my previous dream didn't continue but the new was entertaining enough ... in the world of the sandman the tour bus looked the same on the outside but magically became huge on the inside much similar to Dr.Who's Tardis ... there were forty bunks spread over three levels which were as long as a train ... now on board were various random friends from my past ... instead of a back lounge was a garden which these annoying teenage kids kept breaking into ... I had to repeatedly through them out ... they had explosives they tried to plant but as the bus drove off I manage to toss these out of the rickety wooden garden gates at the rear of the bus ... these exploded and in our wake blew the annoying kids up ... that felt good ... hidden meanings? Who knows? ... So eyes now open ... back to the land of reality ... I got out my bunk to be greeted by Eddie junior in the aisle of the bus ... the first part of the journey was to pick up Mrs Eddie Spaghetti aka Jess and Eddie Quattro Junior ... he's Eddie and Jess' six year old son ... they're on board for the second half of this leg of the tour which is six shows in Spain and four in France ... wish I had the chance to go on tour when I was six !! ... So as we have done a million times we hit a truck stop for refreshments ... the German rock band The Scorpions was pumping out through all the tannoy speakers around the fuel pumps ... and it was here that Dale recollected a childhood memory when his parents got there first microwave ... Dale got a Cornetto Ice Cream from the freezer and put it on full power cook ... the foil wrapper blew the microwave up and the ice cream turned to milk ... the innocence of childhood or rather the stupidity ... but Dale has learnt from this and now he's thirty seven and a half years old and assures me he hasn't done this since ... These Spanish truck-stops have massage chairs at two euros for five minutes ... I am addicted ... I want my own ... being single I have to rely on machines for massages !! We roll into the siesta sleepy town of Vidreres mid afternoon ... today is a late load in at 7pm ... opposite the venue is a hotel for only forty euros per night ... so most of us decide to get rooms ... until the five witches in reception see us ... the hotel is so obviously empty but THE FIVE EVIL WITCHES say it's full and if we don't get out they will call the Police ... now then ... I have toured with some chaos drunken bands but this one is so chilled and so respectful ... if we had turned up in suits then we would've got rooms no problem ... I will of course burn it to the ground with the witches in it ... After a late sound check our dinner is in a restaurant across the road ... it's all a bit Fawlty Towers ... they got lots of orders wrong ... but I've had bad luck with Spanish food going straight through me before ... but this time no problems this time ... Onto the show ... the word I use was odd ... odd crowd ... odd venue ... odd town ... I guess Monday in rural Spain is going to be odd ... but hey ... odd is better than shit ... so all good ... great people who run the place which was the saving grace ... for once Kev the driver got to see the show ... I'll never forget seeing him crowd surf from front to back and when he dived from the balcony into the arms of a devoted crowd the magic happened ... OK that didn't happen but my vivid imagination wishes it did ... and home tonight was the bus outside the venue on an odd street in the odd town ... however tomorrow is Barcelona ... bring it on ... that was my day March 5th 2007 DAY TWELVE ... DALE IS NOW A NATIONAL HERO We get into Barcelona early so we can spend so time checking out this great city ...we had to park our bus in a street behind the venue ... driver Kev stayed with the bus all day as we were told the last tour bus to park there got it's windscreen smashed in and loads of valuables stolen from it ... so we were on our guard ... The venue is nice and much better than any other I'd done in this town with previous visits ... it's situated very close to the Bagdad sex club ... very upmarket ... to my knowledge no one sampled the hospitality from this establishment ... but then again you never know !! It's also very close to the hotel I stayed in a couple of years ago when I brought my now ex-girlfriend here as a birthday present for a completely disastrous nightmare weekend ... that was then this is now ... And so before work starts we had four hours to escape and wonder around ... we being Dale Scott and I ... some very Spanish tapas for lunch ... we walk more and see an opera singer busker who's voice is incredible ... our foot journey takes us down towards the sea front ... where out of the blue I bump into Lucy an old friend mine and one of my tattooists ... I knew she was here for the week so was not hugely surprised to see her but she really wasn't expecting me to be there ... was great to see her ... she is an ace bird ... so of course in such scenarios we go for a beer ... after saying goodbye we checkout the Aquarium ... where they have amongst many aquatic creatures giant turtles ... sharks and penguins ... a small child fell in the shark tank ... everyone was freaking out ... Dale was an Olympic standard swimmer in his teenage years and a life guard at Redcar beach in the North East of England ... without any thought for his own safety he dived in ... I couldn't believe all this was happening right in front of my eyes ... during the day Dale had been bitten by a mosquito which he'd scratched and made it bleed ... the sharks tasted his blood in the water and swam straight for him ... a discovery he discovered on the Discovery Channel that to get rid of a shark you punch them on the nose ... in a combination of punches he saw off four sharks within just a few seconds ... he grabbed the child then swam to the surface to get pulled out by Aquarium security guards ... there must've been two hundred people watching this ... they were clapping and cheering him so loud ... after he'd dried off a Spanish Television News crew interviewed him ... DALE IS NOW A NATIONAL HERO ... Onto the gig ... we had to wait until 10:45pm before the show could start due to there being a huge football match on the television between the local superstar team of Barcelona FC against the English team of Liverpool ... incidentally ... Liverpool won ... which I am very pleased about as I had bet money on them ... But all was not lost for the people of this town as they now had the opportunity to rock out to the Supersuckers ... and rock out they did ... a great crowd enjoyed a great show ... Tonight we said our goodbyes to Frodo who flies back to the Shire the next day ... he's a really good guy and hard worker ... he will be missed ... but I'm sure our paths will cross many times in the future ... At the end of the night the promoter of the show asked me if I wanted a shot of hard liquor ... I of course said ... yes please ... my liquid of choice was the delicious bourbon Jim Beam ... but they have a strange idea of what a shot is ... I got near enough a whole pint straight of the stuff ... it would be rude and wasteful not to drink it so down it went ... not in one I may hasten to add !! ... before leaving we checked out a bar next to where the bus was parked ... it was nothing short of awe inspiring ... each table was numbered and each had it's own beer tap on it ... there were ten tables and on a large television screen above the door it showed how much each table had drunk ... so you could just sit down and pour your own beer ... this is genius absolute genius ... so a bit tipsy I stagger back to the bus ... following making lovely cups of tea for Kev and myself ... I crawl inside my bunk ... that was my day March 6th 2007 DAY THIRTEEN ... EGG'N'CHIPS WAS MY MISSION I wake up woolly headed and feeling a bit giddy from my previous nights drinking as we approach Alicante ... this town is on the South coast of Spain and is a popular holiday destination for English people ... thankfully we are here out of season so don't have to put up with any stupid drunken holiday idiots ... We soon find out we cannot park at the venue due to the very tight tiny streets ... so have to park the bus at a football stadium further out of town ... we hate it when this happens but you have to get on with it ... the equipment and people got transported to the venue in a two journeys in a van ... the band knew the driver from a previous tour ... back then they drove from Madrid to Zaragoza he drove far too fast in the pissing rain ... going round a bend he lost control and flipped the van into a ditch ... it was a miracle there were no serious injuries or even fatalities ... the band still have the scars to prove it ... so for obvious reasons we are wary of his driving today ... Before load in nearly all of us go for lunch ... when I woke up I craved fried egg and chips ... if you are American and reading this chips are the real and correct name for what you call fries ... and crisps are the real and correct name for what you call chips ... right then ... EGG'N'CHIPS WAS MY MISSION ... my mission was a success ... just what I needed ... and as the Spaniards say ... fantastico !! And fantastico again to not having a support band ... so here I am locked in the venue on my own as everyone has left to go for dinner ... but I got to get this typed up ... I am indeed a slave to my journal ... With the venue reopened and the band playing it was obvious this was one of the best nights of the tour ... the crowd knew all the songs and behaved in a suitably nuts fashion ... Dale got recognized several times today from his heroic rescue the previous day in Barcelona ... we didn't realise his photo was in every major news paper ... he's loving the attention ... but you know what they say ... today's news is tomorrows chip wrappers !! ... We drove North from Alicante through the night ... before we left the wind was starting to kick up ... as I turned one corner I got a covered in newspapers and leaves ... the next show is in Madrid which is a straight drive North from the coast ... just a few miles inland the mountains started ... and up to these the force of the wind got worse and worse ... one gust blew the bus across three lanes of the road ... good job there was no other traffic ... but strewn across the road were road signs and branches etc ... Kev had to use all his strength to keep control of the bus ... at times it was really scary ... the bus blowing over in the middle of nowhere in Spain is not my idea of fun ... At 6am when the wind resided I found my way to my bunk ... But the most important thing today is that it's my Grandad's eighty eighth birthday ... so happy birthday to my Grandad ... hope you didn't pass out blowing out all those candles ... that was my day March 7th 2007 DAY FOURTEEN ... SNORTING HUGE LINES OF COCAINE The gale force angry Spanish weather had completely gone and I woke to beautiful blues skies and hot sunshine ... On the Spanish news the winds had been reported at speeds of 175 kilometres an hour which is equivalent to over 100 miles per hour ... one news website wrote that a woman was found blown up a tree ... a cat was blown up into the sky and through a Boeing 747 jet engine and a large bull was caught on top of the spire of a large church ... We parked across the street outside the venue in Madrid ... I'd done this venue once before back in 2002 when on the Roadrage tour with Killswitch Engage ... One thing that does suck for me is that I've picked up an annoying snotty cold ... On this visit to Spain I have noticed more than before the amount of mullets here ... as per usual with most mullets they are long at the back but these people have the sides cut shorter than the top or even shaved ... and some of the more tasteless of these people have gone for the curly perm on the back ... I do love to see this hair cut ... it entertains without fail every time ... do they gaze in the mirror and think how great they look ?? ... I hope so ... No internet in the venue so before doors I check out an internet caf.. just round the corner ... for my hour online I got charged the equivalent of eight pence ... bargain ... Dale got recognized again from his heroics in Barcelona ... he even signed a few autographs ... including a large girls breasts ... on these he signed his full name including some fictitious middle names ... I go on the hunt for food ... my prey ended up being curry from an Indian caf.. just up the street ... Indian food in Spain ... I was fully expecting it to be shite ... but hey this was pretty damn good ... and to the snotty cold ridden wretch what I are ... it was just what the doctor ordered ... From previous visits on tour to this town I have always loved it ... and this time didn't disappoint ... the venue ... the crowd ... the band ... the show ... incredible ... for the whole show six year old Quattro was rockin' out at the side of the stage wearing his ear defenders ... and so proud of his dad ... During the show at the merch stall Chris Mid Fi turned round to look in amazement at several members of the Madrid rock scene SNORTING HUGE LINES OF COCAINE from the bands mailing list clip board ... this was in the middle of the show in the middle of the venue ... it's all about rock'n'roll extremes !! ... Loaded out ... at 1:30am we had to drive to a television studio on the outskirts of Madrid ... so we could park up ready to get filmed for a show the next morning ... on the way next to the roadside were some of the lumpiest bumpiest nastiest whores on the planet ... they were so rough ... only the addition of g-strings ... thigh length boots and boob tubes made them any different from the whole pig carcases which hang in butchers shop windows ... and with that unpleasant harrowing thought I'm off to sleep ... bring on the pig carcass nightmares ... that was my day March 8th 2007 DAY FIFTEEN ... MADAM PASSIONS LOVE HOTEL Here I am sat in a recording studio for the national Spanish television station ETV ... the band are playing on a stage the other side of the room ... on the floor between me and them is Quattro break dancing on the floor ... he's got moves ... his headspins are the most impressive ... After getting to sleep at 4am I had to get up again at 9am for this television show ... apparently the biggest music show in Spain ... however I doubt if I'll ever see it ... unfortunately it's all a bit of a fiasco ... the guy who sorted it failed to tell the studio we had to be on the road at 12noon in order to get to the next show ... they planned to finish at 2pm ... so after much arguing and me threatening to pull the whole thing we agree on a compromise of a finishing deadline of 1pm ... The loading crew refused to help us load out as they didn't like my attitude ... I say ... f*ck em' ... sometimes you have to kick off just to get people motivated to get the job done ... the actual show was all a bit odd ... the band played a rockin' thirty minute set but in between each song a dozen very normal boring people politely clapped ... With that bullshit out the way we drive to Santona at the top of the country near Bilbao ... by the side of the road for the whole journey we saw countless very dodgy looking whorehouses ... I guess it's cool they have such a liberal view of it here ... but not my scene ... it's not every day you get to play a game of spot the whorehouse ... it's a fun game ... you can't beat seeing a huge neon sign of a woman with her boobs out with the words MADAM PASSIONS LOVE HOTEL underneath ... then scribbled badly on a board next to that ... rooms at hourly rates ... outside all of them were squadrons of Spanish trucks ... who's drivers would no doubt be getting a full service ... We arrive into Santona just before 9pm ... over two hours late ... but no support band which again makes life much easier ... I call the promoter as we couldn't find the venue ... I describe where we were and she didn't recognize it ... at that point I feared that there maybe another Santona in a different part of Spain ... as it's such a tiny town this was a possibility ... it wouldn't be the first time I've gone to the wrong town of the same name ... it happened very early in my touring career in Germany ... from where I described to her we had to move the bus due to busy traffic ... we again waited ... this time by a roundabout with a huge statue of a fisherman on it ... with another phonecall she knew where we were ... what a relief ... she comes to get us ... after a quick load in we move onto the sound check ... the mixing desk for the sound system was an early digital desk which is more like a big calculator and very nasty to use ... to make matters worse the guy there I had to work with spoke no English ... so my job just got a millions times harder than it needed to be ... but it all came good ... dinner was the worst delivery pizzas ever ... but that was kind of our own fault for being so late ... no chance of anything after the show as it all shuts before midnight ... well it is Friday night after all ... sarcasm ... the show was OK ... one thing that drove me mad is that everyone here whistles with their fingers between the songs to show their appreciation ... it was so loud it made my vision blurred ... Today has been a long hard day with shows either end and a long drive in the middle ... so with the prospect of a short drive tomorrow we all decide to get hotel rooms tonight ... Santona is right on the coast and our hotel is right on the beach ... there is nothing but sand between my window and the sea ... I'm looking forward to seeing it in the daylight tomorrow or man Jana as the Spanish say ... As I am typing this on the television is an advertisement about gadgets for amputee people ... that was my day March 9th 2007 DAY SIXTEEN ... MEXICAN BANDIT I wake up at 7:28am needing to blow a gallon of snotty gunk from my nose ... but first I had to check out the view of the beach from the window ... oh my god ... the best ... this place is pretty much unspoilt by the tourist industry ... definitely one of Spain's best kept secrets ... after a lie in I walk down this magnificent beach ... the sky is blue and the sun is warm ... this is the way to start the day ... I want to live by the sea again ... I think my destiny is not to be landlocked anymore ... I checking out of the twenty one euros per night room ... so damn cheap that I may come back here sometime ... we set out on the short drive South East inland to Vitoria-Gasteiz ... on the way we pass Bilbao ...this is the ugliest urban nightmare I've ever seen ... the whole town is full of scummy graffiti daubed apartment blocks ... I suspect the suicide rate may be very high here ... an hour later we arrive in Vitoria ... now then ... what a weird town ... every single building is new ... they are all red brick and they nearly all have thirteen storeys ... no character whatsoever ... the venue is called Helldorado ... we were expecting a place like the Titty Twister from the movie From Dusk Til Dawn ... but no it's an industrial unit amongst other large garage style business units ... a weird place for a venue ... as I type this we are waiting to get in ... the Spaniards obsession of having siestas is really starting to get on my nerves ... everything shuts in the afternoon which means you cannot go into any of the venues and also means you cannot buy musical or personal supplies as all the shops are shut too ... it's all one big skive and I've had enough of it ... I guess when it's really hot then fair enough ... but this is March and they are just being lazy ... but today is our last day in Spain so not to worry ... apart from that I do actually love this country lots ... and so does Dale ... right now he's at a local radio station being interviewed about his Barcelona shark rescue exploits ... I told him I'm sure he'd get a freebie at Madam Passions Love Hotel ... but he chose not to find out !! When we do finally get into the venue I met the promoter ... he is the identical twin brother of Derek Smalls the handle bar moustache man from spinal tap but with a shaved head ... and ... he has the voice of a MEXICAN BANDIT ... the next guy I met was the house sound guy who had a huge black eye ... I then realised I was indeed in bandit country ... We get taken to a restaurant which is the back room of a bar ... the food is traditional Basque country food ... it isn't too good ... but much better than the pizzas yesterday ... at the end of our meal we hear a commotion from the bar ... in has walked a traditional Basque band ... one marching drummer and three penny whistles ... Derek Smalls in his Mexican bandit voice tried to convince me it was music but I was having none of it ... in my world music has a tune of some sort ... these people had never learnt a song in their lives ... it was just a drumming whistling noise ... to be honest this is a weird town and I'd expect nothing less ... At the show the support comes from the one man band Bob Log III from America ... he plays a semi-acoustic slide guitar ... on one foot a small bass drum ... on the other a cymbal ... and on his head a silver fighter pilots helmet ... with built in pilot intercom walkie talkie which he sings through ... if you ever see a poster for Bob Log III playing a venue near you ... then check him out ... good show great entertainment ... and a bloody nice chap ... We finally hit the stage way past midnight ... in the toilets all night was a guy selling lines of cocaine from a tray ... it was like a market stall at five euros a go ... crazy ... the whole venue had a thick fog of hash smoke ... we didn't know what to expect from this weird town ... but the club was sold out and these people were maniacs ... surprisingly a good show ... but we were ready to move on from Spain ... France here we come ... that was my day March 10th 2007 DAY SEVENTEEN ... POUNDING SINUS' AND DRIPPING NOSE Last night as I slept we thankfully cruised through the Spanish French border with no problems to travel up to Angouleme in South West France ... we are happy to be away from the weirdness of North Spain to be back in France ... unique and different in it's own way ... but I know what to expect here ... it's a shame it's Sunday which means everything is shut but at least they don't called it siesta ... today my snotty cold has stepped up a gear ... my sinus' feel like they are gonna explode ... and I won't even try and describe the gunk and goo that I'm sneezing out and coughing up ... ideally I'd like to stay in bed ... but I'm here to do a job and I do like being busy so I do as much as I can ... I was lucky enough with Dales help to find the only pharmacy chemist still open ... armed with nasal spray ... throat lozenges and sinus tablets I had the chemicals I needed to face the day ... After sound check we discover close to the venue is a cheap hotel ... clean rooms ... BBC World in the television ... wireless internet ... with the sickness in my head and body it means at forty euros I'm in a proper bed for the night ... I do feel bad coughing and sneezing in such a confined space as is the bus ... I'd feel terrible if anyone else had to suffer this as well ... In every hotel lift or elevator I've ever been in there are big signs saying no smoking and don't use in a fire ... in this one there are two ash trays and a fire extinguisher ... there are some things I do love about the eccentric French ... they do like to do things their own way regardless of the rest of the world ... After a chill ... back to the venue for dinner ... all fresh ... all buffet ... all delicious ... been a few days since we ate well ... As tomorrow is a short drive we are here all night ... hence the hotel room ... Kev's had quite a few beers which has resulted in him ogling the bar tender ... she is stunning but I reckon she's pretty tough and I think he may get himself kicked out ... but when I left after dinner to come back to my room for a couple of hours it was all very good humoured ... I'll see what happened when I return in a bit ... Just surfed a few channels ... Steve Martin in Roxanne overdubbed in French ... Star Wars II overdubbed in French ... Enemy Of The State with Gene Hackman overdubbed in French ... this is starting to annoy me until ... Sister Act 2 ... Back In The Habit is overdubbed in French which is a big improvement ... the script doesn't deserve to be understood !! ... oh ... and on another channel Kevin Costner's Waterworld overdubbed in French ... it is a big improvement not to understand the drivel ... mind you any Kevin Costner movie can fall into this category ... When I returned to the show Kev had gone to bed on the bus ... for the best I reckon ... Onto the show ... in a nutshell this town doesn't deserve bands who fly thousands of miles to entertain them ... and suitably the set missed a few songs ... get on stage ... rock out then get the f*ck off ... one pissed up punk guy with a Mohican that looked like lice had cultured for him sat on the front of the stage while the band were playing ... what an insult ... the band kicked him off ... but hey it's Sunday and these places are added so we don't have days off and we keep earning the euros to make the finances work ... crowd sucked ... sound system sucked ... the people who worked in the venue were cool ... and dinner was good ... so a mixed bag ... I'm back in my hotel room now ... POUNDING SINUS' AND DRIPPING NOSE ... time for me to get some zzzzzzzzzz's ... but first I put on the television to catch a bit more BBC and the first channel that appears is a man having anal sex with a woman whilst another woman has a strap on and is doing him ... it's been a funny old day ... that was my day March 11th 2007 DAY EIGHTEEN ... A DOBERMAN PINSCHER NAMED VELVET I wake up all bleary eyed in my hotel room ... first thing I do is put the television on ... thankfully I'm not greeted by hardcore pornography ... I didn't want a repeat of the full anal butchers shop window again ... through the channels to number fourteen ... BBC World ... smashing ... all that's missing is a cup of tea ... splash of milk no sugar ... the news is on with the headline zombie violence ... oh my god they are real ... the BBC wouldn't lie me ... Sean Of The Dead is truly happening ... are the army being sent in ?? ... what's being done to sort it ?? ... oh wait on ... Zimbabwe violence ... ah OK ... my mistake ... best have a shower to clear my head and stop my vivid imagination running away with itself ... Thankfully yesterday was the peak of my illness ... today I don't feel great but do feel much better ... the sinus' have calmed down and the snot tap in the middle of my face isn't so hectic ... back to the bus and on the road ... Amber has been making some very bad smells which I have detected which means my nose is starting to work again ... but I wish he'd stop ... At 2pm we arrive in our designated destination which is Limoges ... Well I said that France doesn't do the siesta thing ... well bollocks ... it does ... more skiving work shy people ... it's the middle of the afternoon and I'm starving and every single shop here is closed ... bastards !! All over the front pages of the news papers here are pictures and reports from England beating France in the rugby yesterday ... and being an Englishman in France all I can say is ... ha ha ha hahahahaha hahahahaha ha ... haha ha ... Today is a small venue with what we unaffectionately call P.A on a stick which basically means the same kind of sound system that bands have in their rehearsal rooms ... another one of those shows in a small town instead of a day off ... building up to the decent show tomorrow in Paris ... dinner was great with the most amazing chocolate cake for desert ... it's not hard to do great food on a small budget ... and speaking of eating ... The venue has a resident dog ... A DOBERMAN PINSCHER NAMED VELVET ... a very well tempered playful beast which will eat just about anything ... just while we were there this includes a glass coke cola bottle ... a pair of shoes ... a door knob ... a light bulb ... a cabbage ... nine teaspoons ... four drum sticks ... a skate board ... an entire mirror ball ... six litres of vanilla ice cream and a wah pedal ... Dale's phone disappeared which meant he had to go wading through dog shit to find it ... from now on he says he'll just use the speakerphone ... Tonight's show ... well the crowd were adequate ... the language barrier was an issue and Eddie's sarcasm was in full flow which entertained me no end ... my god the French smoke strong full tar cigarettes ... the whole venue was a fog ... anyone who smokes low tar cigs will get kicked out by the tobacco police who viciously patrol every French music venue ... the people who worked in the venue were great all day and made us feel very welcome ... I never used to be a big fan of this country but my opinion is changing massively ... and I use my handful of French words often which the locals seem to appreciate ... so those French lessons at school weren't a complete waste ... I can't believe how ill I felt twenty four hours ago and how great I feel now ... nearly back to match fitness ... my sickness was what women humorously call man-flu ... it is just basically a bad cold ... but as men are crap with such things we always call it flu when it isn't ... just to big it up more ... we sleep in the bus outside the venue ... while I snooze we leave at 5am to drive North East up to Paris ... that was my day March 12th 2007 DAY NINETEEN ... MICKEY MOUSE It's Tuesday which means its Paris ... a great city which I always love coming to ... if you've never been to Paris then it really is worth spending some time here ... there is loads to see and do ... and that Eiffel Tower really is impressive ... a lot of people have a bad opinion of Parisians ... but I reckon they're great ... A couple of hours before we arrive ... we do another truck stop ... stop ... From nowhere four French Police show up in three different vehicles and surround us ... first I thought ... bugger ... next I thought ... shit ... and then finally thought ... just f*ck off ... Well Kev put his West country charm into overdrive and they snooped around a little but soon left ... the dog never even got on the bus ... we've had more than our fair share of all that shit so good riddance ... We battle the Paris traffic to get to the venue not far from the river Seine at 1:30pm ... the bus has to be swiftly unloaded as we were blocking the street ... it's a bastard but no parking at today's show which sucks but that's often the case with big capitol cities like this where every inch of land costs a fortune ... so with everyone and everything we need for the day off the bus Kev's heads out of town to park at Euro-Disney ... cheap parking and he gets to hang out with MICKEY MOUSE ... some of the guys get to go out exploring but I stay in the venue getting all the details for the nights show sorted ... I did briefly see Notre Dame and The Eiffel tower while we were driving so I did my tourist bit ... kind of ... Dinner was in a restaurant next door to the venue ... they had a big menu and we were all excited but then the band menu came out ... this can often mean crappy food ... but today was great ... thank you again France for coming up trumps with the edibles ... Show was another good one ... but everyone has one eye on going home now as this was the penultimate gig ... After the show my old friends Paulo and Paul came over to hang for a while before we left ... they we also on tour and had been working another show across town ... was great to see them ... both huge characters and both very funny guys ... and each of them I'd toured with previously ... And I haven't had a cigarette since the Santona show on day fifteen which is great and I'm not craving them too much at the moment ... just take things day by day and see what happens ... a I type this we are travelling North East from Paris to the town of Tourcoing ... that was my day March 13th 2007 DAY TWENTY ... HIS RIGHT EAR LOBE BITTEN CLEAN OFF I get woken up by Chris Mid-Fi's snoring ... I type this while the Utah chain saw is in full swing next to me ... it was time to wake up anyway ... my god in the bunk above him Ron the Seattle motor boat engine has now started as well ... Utah v Seattle in the buzzsaw snore challenge ... it's neck and neck ... they are loud and Utah is the ... wait my god ... Dale let's off the most amazing fog horn fart in his sleep ... but that's not a snore so he's disqualified ... yeah ... Utah is the winner ... he is making the bus vibrate like a pneumatic drill ... Even though tomorrow is the last day of this journal I fly early so essentially this is the last day of the tour and a bit of a sad one for me ... there is a third leg of the Supersuckers road trip that I'm not on ... I will be with my brothers in 36 Crazyfists and will have a great time but I just wish I could clone myself and do the last part of the Supersuckers trilogy also ... but one thing is for certain I will miss all of these guys ... they are family ... we've been through some real ups and downs together on this tour ... but I hope our paths cross again in the near future ... there are some huge personalities here and some great senses of humour ... but enough of the weepy bullshit ... this tour hasn't finished yet ... and today we are in Tourcoing which is North East of Paris ... The sun is out and it looks like Spring will soon be sprung ... today is Kev's birthday ... he doesn't know it yet but I've got him a cake ... it's tough having a birthday on tour so I like to make an effort to make it a bit special ... the cake was incredible ... it wasn't what I was expecting ... a fresh cream and custard tart surrounded by a layer of almonds and with on top half a dozen ..clairs containing chocolate mousse ... my god a masterpiece ... Thankfully not an eventful day ... at the end of the tour we just want things to be even smoother than usual ... but wait ... I just remembered last night chatting to the drummer of the support band ... I noticed he only had one ear lobe ... this confused and intrigued me so had to ask why ?? ... he said when in Finland he was a street fighter ... back in the eighties in the Helsinki ghetto ... he had three generations of his family to feed so had to do what it takes to put dinner on the table ... before retiring he had one last big money fight ... against the then Latvian champion ... during the bout he got HIS RIGHT EAR LOBE BITTEN CLEAN OFF ... this just made him mad ... really mad ... he said he has no memory of what happened next ... he just saw red ... but was told he bit off the Latvian's nose ... ears ... and eye lids ... needless to say he was the victor !! ... at this point I faked a phone call to escape ... he was obviously barking mad ... that was my day March 14th 2007 DAY TWENTY-ONE ... PARIS' CHARLES DE GAULLE AIRPORT After three hours sleep I'm awake to get my flight home from PARIS' CHARLES DE GAULLE AIRPORT ... this is where we picked the band up three weeks ago and the very same location where poor sad pathetic Amber found out his luggage had been sent to Canada by mistake ... haha ... first job today is to check in ... I am waiting to be stung with a huge bill for my overweight baggage ... as this is a domestic flight and the allowance is a lot less than international ... I was twelve kilos over the twenty kilo allowance ... should've cost me another sixty quid ... but the French bird let me off ... cheers ... I ventured to the airport shop to buy some Tropicana OJ ... the guy in front of me bought six beers ... it's 7:45am ... fair play I thought ... then I laid eyes upon his six loud out of control children ... nightmare ... he starts drinking them immediately ... I was drinking a coffee waiting for my gate to be allocated when this little old lady let go the biggest burp I have ever heard ... it echoed around the departures hall ... everything went silent ... with the look on her face butter wouldn't melt in her mouth ... but seriously ... life did seem to stand still for a moment ... her face gas was much similar to a fog horn and there is every chance she saved an oil tanker running aground on rocks goes through the straights of Magellan at the bottom tip of South America ... I could see aeroplanes taking off outside ... This revoked memories of a late night conversation with Kev while we drove ... he told about his mates job for the company that tests the 747's Jumbo jets ... he said the wings can bend forty feet either way ... And to test this they fly to thirty thousand feet then turn the engines off and drop like a stone ... Well I say ... f*ck that ... So now at my gate ... the boring wait ... but no ... surely not ... yes ... there it was ... like an oasis in the desert ... my old friend the massage chair ... not seen him since Spain ... And here he was waiting for me at my gate ... It was great to see him ... much better than the Spanish ones ... this one does the shoulders as well as the spine ... so damn good ... My flight left first at 9:45am ... in fact I'll be landed and home before anyone else even takes off ... hehe ... a few minutes before boarding ... who walks round the corner to where I was waiting ?? ... a familiar face ... It is merch-man Amber ... we grab a quick coffee before I'm off to get on my plane ... he had to wait for nearly three hours more until his big metal bird flies to Philadelphia ... Sat on my plane I can count eleven crying children ... Joy !! ... Children under the age of twentyfive years old should be banned from flying ... But all was good though as my flight home only took fifty-five minutes to get to East Midlands airport next to Nottingham ... then cab from the airport to my front door ... keys ready ... home ... I just read back through some of my journal from Spain and noticed I had omitted to mention that on the way from Vitoria to Angouleme on day seventeen we stopped off for a break in a town called Pamplona ... Today was the rehearsal for the Fiesta of San Fermin ... which is the biggest and most famous of Spain's running of the bulls ... we all headed into town for food and before you knew it we had been invited to run with the bulls ... well to cut a long story short ... we were the last eleven people still running ... all good ... we did our bit for the roadworn and weary then back on the bus to the next show ... And to end this journal I shall mention that a brand new species of big cat has been discovered in Borneo ... the clouded leopard ... looks like a big tabby cat but with larger teeth and claws ... growls a bit too ... that was my day March 15th 2007 I have a vivid imagination so please don't believe everything I say certain things are fiction ...